Phrases That Steal Your Power – And What to Say Instead

Language shapes how we think, feel, and navigate the world. The words we use influence our mindset, confidence, and the way we engage with others. Some phrases subtly undermine our power—making us feel stuck, helpless, or apologetic. But small adjustments in how we speak can make a huge difference in how we think and act.

At MHM Wales, we believe in empowering people through self-awareness and positive communication. Here are some common phrases that take away your personal power—and what to say instead to shift towards a more confident and proactive mindset.

"I should have / could have / would have" → "Next time I will"

Dwelling on past mistakes or regrets can be draining. Instead of focusing on what should have happened, reframe it as a learning opportunity. Saying “Next time I will...” shifts your focus to action and growth rather than self-criticism.

"I need to / I must / I have to" → "I've been meaning to" or "I'm starting today"

Saying "I need to..." makes a task feel like an obligation, which can feel overwhelming. Instead, saying "I've been meaning to..." feels more intentional, and "I'm starting today" turns it into a commitment.

"If only I had time for..." → "I'm scheduling this now"

Time does not magically appear—we make time for what we prioritise. Instead of saying "If only I had time for...", try "I'm scheduling this now." It reinforces that you have control over your time and choices.

"Why isn’t this working for me?" → "What can I adjust?"

Feeling stuck can lead to frustration, but asking "What can I adjust?" puts the focus on problem-solving. This shift moves you from helplessness to action.

"Why am I so unlucky?" → "I choose to" or "What can I learn from this?"

Blaming luck removes personal agency. Instead, try "I choose to..." to reclaim control over your decisions, or "What can I learn from this?" to turn setbacks into lessons.

"Why does this keep happening to me?" → "What pattern can I break?"

Repeating struggles often indicate patterns rather than bad luck. Instead of feeling powerless, ask "What pattern can I break?" to look for changes you can make to improve your situation.

"I don’t mean to sound (rude, mean)" → "Here's my honest feedback"

Prefacing a statement with "I don’t mean to sound..." weakens what you are about to say. If feedback is necessary, own it with confidence: "Here's my honest feedback."

"Don’t take this personally, but..." → "Here's what I've observed"

Saying "Don’t take this personally..." often puts people on the defensive. A better approach is to present observations neutrally: "Here's what I've noticed."

"Why does this person always…?" → "I notice that..."

Instead of assuming the worst about someone's behaviour, state the facts: "I notice that..." encourages curiosity and understanding instead of judgement.

"I don't understand why you don't just..." → "Let me understand"

This phrase can come across as dismissive. Instead, "Let me understand..." shows a willingness to listen and empathise.

Reclaiming Your Power Through Language

The way we talk to ourselves and others shapes our mindset. Shifting from disempowering phrases to constructive ones can help build confidence, resilience, and better communication.

Try an experiment—notice how often you use these phrases and swap them for more empowering alternatives. Over time, you may find yourself thinking and acting with greater confidence.

For more insights on mental well-being, self-improvement, and communication, follow MHM Wales. Slight changes in language can lead to big shifts in mindset and improve your overall wellbeing

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