The way we respond to others’ emotions can have a profound impact on their mental well-being. Some forms of communication encourage trust and self-belief, while others create doubt and confusion. Two contrasting approaches—gaslighting and greenlighting—demonstrate the difference between emotional manipulation and genuine support.
What is Gaslighting?
Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation where someone is made to question their own thoughts, feelings, or memories. It often leads to self-doubt, emotional distress, and even a loss of confidence in one’s own reality. Gaslighting is commonly used by those trying to avoid accountability or maintain control over another person.
This type of behaviour can be seen in families, relationships, workplaces, and friendships. Some examples of gaslighting include:
“You’re too dramatic; that’s not how it happened.”
“Our family is fine. You’re the only one who thinks there’s a problem. Maybe you’re the issue.”
“Your problems aren’t real; just get on with it.”
“You’re always overreacting. No one else gets as emotional as you do.”
Gaslighting can make someone feel as though their feelings are irrational or insignificant, leading them to doubt their instincts and experiences. Over time, this can have serious consequences on mental health, causing anxiety, depression, and low self-worth.
What is Greenlighting?
Greenlighting is the opposite of gaslighting—it involves validating someone’s feelings, encouraging open communication, and making space for their emotions. Instead of dismissing concerns, greenlighting acknowledges a person’s experiences and promotes understanding and support.
Examples of greenlighting responses include:
“I don’t remember it that way, but I want to understand your perspective. Can we talk about it?”
“I know you’re dealing with a lot, and your feelings are valid. Let’s talk about your concerns and how to manage them.”
“I get that you need some time for yourself. Let’s work out a way to balance that with everything else going on.”
“I can see you’re feeling emotional. Let’s talk about what’s causing it and how I can help.”
Greenlighting encourages emotional awareness and healthy discussions rather than making people feel as though they are unreasonable for having feelings. It builds trust and strengthens relationships by creating an environment where people feel safe to express themselves.
The Impact of Gaslighting vs. Greenlighting
The way we are spoken to shapes our self-perception and mental well-being.
Gaslighting can cause emotional distress, confusion, and a lack of confidence in one’s thoughts and decisions. Those who experience long-term gaslighting may become withdrawn, overly apologetic, or afraid to speak up.
Greenlighting, in contrast, fosters emotional resilience and self-worth. When people feel validated, they are more likely to trust their instincts, form healthy relationships, and express their emotions without fear of being dismissed.
Moving from Gaslighting to Greenlighting
If you recognise elements of gaslighting in your own behaviour or that of those around you, there are steps you can take to encourage healthier, more constructive conversations:
Listen without judgement – Rather than dismissing someone’s concerns, focus on understanding their emotions and perspective.
Validate feelings before offering solutions – Instead of telling someone to “move on” or “calm down,” acknowledge their emotions first.
Use open-ended questions – Instead of saying, “You’re overreacting,” try asking, “What’s making you feel this way?”
Be mindful of language – Avoid phrases that minimise emotions. Instead of, “You’re imagining things,” try “I may not see it the same way, but I believe that’s how you feel.”
Create an environment of trust – When people feel heard, they are more likely to open up, seek support, and build emotional resilience.
Final Thoughts
Gaslighting can be incredibly damaging, making people feel uncertain and invalidated. In contrast, greenlighting empowers individuals by letting them know their feelings are real and worthy of being heard.
At Mental Health Matters Wales, we encourage people to communicate with empathy, kindness, and respect. If you have experienced gaslighting, talking to a trusted friend, therapist, or advocacy service can help you reclaim confidence in your emotions.
By choosing greenlighting over gaslighting, we can all contribute to a more understanding and supportive world.
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